Let us prepare for winter

Today I read this on the internet, located on a site remembering
Paul Hester.

"Let us prepare for winter. The sun has turned away from us and
nest of summer hangs broken in a tree. Life slips through our
fingers and, as darkness gathers, our hands grow cold. It is time
to go inside. It is time for reflection and resonance. It is time for
contemplation. Let us go inside."

This about sums up how I feel. The winter of life is upon me.
Cold, dark, hollow, and broken. Like the weather outside, ice
is forming around my soul, choking it. Like being numb from
the cold, waiting for something to warm me up, yet knowing
spring is far, far away, and hard to imagine it ever arriving.

So much time effort invested for what is essentially nothing.
Grieving for a loss that is undeserved. Feeling part of me
dying right along with it. Drowning in self pity, self loathing,
and the unanswerable question of "why?" How did I manage
to bring this on myself? How could this have been avoided?

As I get older, not wiser, the realization of how cold the world
really is sinks deeper into my skin. It makes me think of
people in my life who have, and some who still do love me.
It makes me think that even that I don't deserve. "If you
could change your life, and never be the same, (but the
lie ain't worth the living.)"

The last time I felt this emptiness was when Pro Air shut
down. While not the same kind of animal, it forces me to
recognize that there is nothing out there for me. Perhaps
I'm defective in some way that hasn't been made apparent
to me. That would be a relief. That would be a viable
answer to the question. Cause and effect.

How is it I am so better able to put into writing what/how
I feel? Were the rest so easy.