Poor Dick.

Last night I had a "discussion" with the problem child.
After some heated exchange, several things were brought
to light.

Said individual admitted:
1) their life is a mess
2) their financial situation is a mess
3) their marriage is a mess.
4) None of what is going on is my fault.

I already knew all of this, and more. Many things can
be said about me, however stupid is NOT one of them.
Tom thought we are gonna go at it at first- but things
calmed down. We had a decent discussion. Allow me to
say that this person will continue to degrade until they
realize that they must treat people the way they want
to be treated.

Saying that, maybe that is part of my problem. I really
do try to treat folks the way I want to be treated. For
the most part, people don't comprehend what that
means. It's interesting to see the guilt on someones
face when something nice is done for them. Even on
"the day" it was clear to see that they were wholly
unprepared for what they were facing, and that they
had dropped the ball. Part of me still feels sorry.
The other part loathes the bastard. Gott sie Dank
I'll be free from this burden for the next three weeks.
Said individual is not happy about being away for so
long. They are the only one who will not be pleased
by their absence.

Certainly what I've just put to writing once again shows
the character flaws I posses. Sometimes it is rewarded.
I received a reward from someone for something done
over a month ago. Yes, it was surprising. It was more
than appreciated. Funny how the occasional little things
we do have such impact. Todays show of appreciation
is the kind of thing that makes the struggle worth it.

Someone tried to break into the house today. Too bad
they didn't realize the door was steel. All the exterior
doors are steel. Seems to me someone wasted their
effort. When taking the trash out is when the attack
was discovered. Even had they been able to gain access
to the garage, the door from the garage to the house was
dead-bolted.

Well, my children, there is laundry to do, a kitchen to
tidy up, and other house chores to be accompished.
Be good, be safe, and take care..........

sick

Yup, still sick. It's nasty having this kind of cold. For
some reason I always get a doozy. Never a 3 day cold-
they always last 7-10 days. Tom invited me to go on
a plane ride with him- but me not feel good enough
to do that. Tarnation!

Now, y'all should be proud of me. Yesterday I cornered
someone about blame shifting, and refusing to accept
responsibility for their actions. Today was "you never
cease to amaze me at how inconsiderate you can be,
nothing is ever your fault, is it?" No response. It is
nice to not have to worry about hurting someone's
feelings. However, said individual hasn't been nasty
since I've changed how they are dealt with.

The parents mail is off to them via FedEx. How can
anyone not just love FedEx? I've never ever had a
single problem with them, unlike UPS and God forbid
DHL. It just make sense to handle the mail going to
South Carolina this way. It's still expensive, but so
much easier than trying to forward it, send it via the
post office....

My brother was going to Garrett County this weekend
but probably will not go now- the winter weather mix
called for will keep him here. Did you hear that a
tractor trailer was blown over today in Western Maryland?
Apparently it was empty- and the wind gust just threw it
over.

Just got another "Lou Kiminsky" phone call. I should
start charging that man!

Off I go to get ready for the arrival!

CGE & ESN

My older brother (Dr. Heger) came over today, and we ended
up on the Eastern Shore. First to Cambridge (CGE), then
Easton (ESN). The main street in Cambridge was still closed
due to the fire. We drove down High Street to look at the
houses that were built in the early 1800's. Then to East New
Market- and then Easton. I really like Easton. It would be
possible to imagine living there. All that is needed is a big
ole pile of cash. One thing on the agenda this year is to spend
the night at the Tidewater Inn. My brother keeps talking
about the crab salad in the restaurant there. If something
comes to the Avalon Theater I want to see. That will be the
key to making it happen.

Netflix sent me an email the first movie rental should show
up on the 25th. It did. It's not really cheap, but SO easy
to manage. All that needs to be done is stick it in the mailer
and in the mailbox. If only I could remember what the
next movie is that I requested. Oh well.

My head is still really stuffed up. I think it's as much as
an allergy. It comes and goes. Right now it's here. One
problem is that I've not been sleeping well. One of the
problems is that around 7pm, I fall asleep for about
an hour.

I had a date tonight, but neither of us are feeling well.
Funny how we exchange text messages. She doesn't
feel well, I don't feel well, so we'll go another day. We
have known each other a long time. Now we're gettin'
together. (No this is NOT an airport person, so none
of you know her.)

Lis brought me some hot dogs. Now if you have never
had lamb hot dogs; you don't know what you're missin'!
I gotta make some Shepherds Pie soon too. Lamb rocks!

Okay- time to start some dinner. Comfort food. While
I shouldn't be eating Mac & Cheese . . I'm gonna.

Thanks for your support. I still need it.

A New Day

When I woke up today, I felt lighter being free from
having to worry about offending someone, walking on
eggshells, or having them yell at me. I think it has
been made pretty clear that there will be no opportunity
for anything but what is expected around here. No more
favors, exceptions, or allowances. None. Kein.

It may turn out to be a good gift. It may end up being
the best gift. I stood up for what was owed to me, and
when a favor was hinted at, it was ignored. It was
nice just saying what was to be done, and no argument.
Yes. I almost caved, but then reminded myself, "you
didn't make this mess, don't clean it up."

I also asked for the money owed me to be returned.
"Oh I forgot." Liar. The instructions are to have it
to me by Monday. The days of kindness and
consideration are gone.

The ladies I walk with took me out to dinner last night.
It was nice seeing them the way they normally look-
you see we all look like bums when we are in the park.
Kay Frederick is truly a STUNNING woman. WOW!

My brother sent me (in a birthday card) a post card
from the mid 1940's. It is a painting of "Gov. Ritchie
Highway between Baltimore and Annapolis, Md."
It looks like the stretch between Winchester Road
and Route 50. Anyway, on the back this is what it says:

"Hi Alma,

I am so tired I can hardly wiggle but suppose I'll make
it. It's awfully cold here but I suppose it's as cold there.
I'm going out ona man hunt in a couple of hrs.

By Now 'Daisy' "

The back of the card reads:

"The Governor Ritchie Highway which runs between
Baltimore and Annapolis is a thoroughly modern
concrete speed highway bordered by rolling hills and
picturesque countryside."

My how times have changed! I avoid the road from
695 to Maryland Route 10. To say this person knows
every possible way to avoid using that road, no matter
how out of the way, is an understatement.

Glad today is over. Glad it went as well as it did. Glad
that several folks called to see what was what. Glad
that I had the resolve to hold my ground. Glad that
someone knows the "gig is up."

Time to sine off and work on killing this cold.

Geburtstag

Today's the day. Thank all of you who called sent cards,
and emails. It meant a lot to me.

Today's the day. The "problem" friend didn't even say
word-one. Now comes the time to break ties with them.
Is there a chance for redemption? Doubtful. Do I want
them as a friend even if they get their act together? I
don't know. I've got a "kicked in the head by a mule"
headache. Sick to my stomach. Yet, I feel before I leave
here I need to say something to them. Perhaps "I got
the message loud and clear." Everyone tells me that
they don't deserve my friendship, and perhaps it is now
the time to put that into place.

I got treated to El Salto for lunch today- and tonight
dinner with friends. Sadly I won't be good company.
It feels like someone died. For some reason I think
lunch wants to be returned too.

A little bird told me that I may be tapped for a "special
project" soon. While I don't know what, when, or where,
it's-a-comin!

Now is the time I'm gonna really need you guys. I hope
you'll be there for me. My family isn't around. One of
my best friends is gone. I'm kind of alone right now.

FUNNY!!

Today I've received a lot of "good luck tomorrow" mail
and calls. Odd, n'est pas?

Seems to me whatever happens, happens, nothing I can
do or say that will change things. In a perfect world, things
would go well, and "said individual" would capitulate and
do everything to salvage what's left of a friendship. In the
present world, nothing is expected. When one refuses to
accept culpability for their actions, regardless of how
egress they may be, there is a problem. I feel sorry for
"said individual" because their life is so out of control, I
fear that they have no idea how to salvage what's left.
My friend has made some poor decisions, hastily made
others that have put them in an unenviable position. If
asked I would be able to fix several of them by calling in
some OLD favors.

You all know the story. Each of you know the situation.
Everyone knows what is going on. My situation is this:
I've done everything I can. I've gone the extra (1100)
miles. Each day I make an attempt. Poor person has
all but lost himself. Last winter I was the same way-
so I got help. Please God let him get the help he needs!

Thank you to Seb (extra thanks-you alway seem to know
what to say to me!!), Tawana Furbush, My older brother,
Lis (for watching out for me), Michele for dragging me out
last night, and Tom for the nice email today. The birthday
cards were well received! My brother sent me a post card
of "Governor Ritchie Highway: from the early days of the
road. It wasn't until I read the back of the card to realize
that folks have been pigs for a long time!

The evening is getting ready to set in. Let's seewhat happens!
More tomorrow.........

Ribena

Having today off, I wandered to Annapolis.

First stop: Trader Joe's. (Like that is a surprise!)
It was there or the supermarket. After getting the
standard supplies, the Punjab eggplant was in the
cart. Tabuli, chickpea salad, tzatzki, and dolmas
were in the cart. I even got to enter the "recycle
raffle" for using my own cloth bags. KEWL.

Next: Chadwicks. When you walk in and the person
behind the counter refers to you as "the ribena man"
you know you spend too much time there. The lady
there is getting to know me and has started actually
talking to me!

Stopped for gas on the way home, and those dolmas
all seemed to disappear before making it home- and
then Punjab Eggplant for lunch. Just spicy enough!
Checked my email (via wireless connection from the
breakfast room)- and had a look at the weather.
With luck just rain.

I checked with stores earlier. "Be glad you're not here."
..... I already know that!

Be good!

U.N.'s request

What a day.

First: I'm supposed to be off. Schedule changes have precluded
this., 274 is coming in from YYZ at midnight 30 (0530Z)- and
Customs is cool with it. If the plane is late- oh well.

A certain "reader" has requested he be referred to as U.N. it's
done. He asked me about the problem friend. My response to
him made it clear: "would you do that with a brother??" Now
it's clear.

Everyone says the problem friend will fail the test in three days.
Part of me wants that to happen- the other part of me wants
the "test" to be passed with flying colors. Right now I don't
really know what I want. One half wants this person to to fail
to allow grieving, and closure. The other half wants to salvage
what was once their. Imagine this: your brother has died, yet
each day you see his ghost. How would you contend with this
problem??

Tomorrow the forecast calls for "der schnee." God forbid.
Seems to me spring better get here soon. I'd be pleased if
it arrived on Thursday- talk about a gift!

Be good!!!!!!

Next three off

Sunday January 20, 2316Z

Guess who feels like crap. Queasy stomach, and don't want to eat.
Whether it's something I ate, or whether or not I'm getting sick.
who knows.

The next three days are off days. The house needs a good clean,
I need some away time from work, and this is the time to do so.
Today the laundry got caught up, folded up, and put up. One less
thing for me to contend with.

Both planes are late again today. the 0645L arrival will be in at
2240L. The 1430 arrival will be in at 2345L. So nice. My plan
is to be out of there by midnight. So in about an hour I'll go in
and get some stuff together to make things easier for the help.

There are four days until the deadline for the problem friend
is here. Based on their behavior this weekend, I doubt they
will make it. I just need to grieve the loss and be done with it.
What makes it difficult is that the person isn't "dead"- just the
person I used to know.

Time to get ready to go.

Saturday

Due to the "snow-storm" in Atlanta, aircraft 804 is many
hours late. Once again. I've done something nice for the
"problem friend"- and was punished for it. It's almost
finished. Five days. I'll be gone for three of them, so
there will be time for a reflection and a "cooling off" period.
Mark my word, it will be the end.

The parents called me yesterday, how difficult is it for them
to take their address book to South Carolina? Each year
they manage to forget it? Unreal! It will be making the
FedEx journey this coming week. It's so nice not having
them under foot.

Seb sent me the link to his blog overnight. It's auf Deutsch.
Lordy, it's hard for me to read. He did it on purpose to make
my one brain cell work harder. That boy manages to challenge
me on a regular basis. He's too smart for his own good. (Much
like the problem person) The last phone call from him still
resonates in my head.

Okay, time for me to close, be good @ Guten Abend.

Stop Already!

It's been snowing since 1100, it's now 1400, and still it comes
down. The Hond-o has been cleaned off twice. Where in blazes
is spring? All I can think about is planting some tomato seeds!

When preparing to leave Downs Park today, we saw an immature
Bald Eagle. Very cool. In about two months the Osprey will be
back from the south, signaling the beginning of SPRING! It can't
get here soon enough for me!

While grazing Youtube.com today, I ran across an old song that
had to have been written for me. Tori Amos' "Crucify." It says
"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you." Seven days left for
redemption. If you see a mushroom cloud, you'll know what
happened.

Got a bird coming in from Leipzig in about two hours. I wonder
how 'bad' it will be. Lord only knows.

Perhaps some more later....................

Gut Schlaff

The memory-foam-mattress arrived yesterday. It was double
wrapped in plastic, and was a bear to struggle up the steps.
The old one went bye-bye, and I cut the plastic off. Honestly
it was about 3 inches thick. "uh-oh." Then it started to "grow"
to full size. Last night I slept like the dead. It was great. It
does have a chemical smell, but it has already started to go
away. It was a good move to get the 10 inch, and not the 14
inch- none of my sheets would have fit the thing. Overstock
dot com is the way to go!

Tom stopped by yesterday. He asked who the problem person
was. Surprised, weren't you? You're right. Too bad Jeff isn't
around us anymore. I miss my son. Regardless, we all
change. This change is just horrific. It makes one want to
give up on humanity. There isn't a whole lot I wouldn't do
or give to fix it. It is something I can't get my head to
comprehend. Enough.

Saturday I got some curried eggplant at Trader Joe's. It's
all but addictive. Speaking of addictions, I will admit there
are two currently in my life. Trader Joe's, and pickles.
Trader Joe's because they always have good stuff cheap,
and pickles- I like the sour? I guess. It's better than other
things I could be eating. Mox Nix. Their coffee is better
than Starbucks (and less expensive), Middle Eastern
foods, real Greek Yogurt,and things you don't get elsewhere.
Yeahhhhhh, I likes it.

Each week I send the parents their mail via FedEx. This year
it costs as much to send it two-day as it did overnight last
year. It's worth every penny not to have them around.

Okay- gotta scoot!

Different day, different delay!

This week has been plagued with delays. Not your standard
20 minute pain-in-the-butt kind either, eight plus hours. It's
the thing that makes me nuts.

We had some snow today. It didn't stick, however it was nice
to watch . . I guess . . If we don't get any more this winter it
will be sufficient for me.

FedEx just sent me an email that my new mattress has been
delivered to the house. That will be tonights chore to swap
the old and the new. Some house cleaning, laundry, and tidy
up business will occupy the evening. AND send the kids their
mail in South Carolina.

The "problem" friend hasn't spoken to me in days, well,
unless they want something. It's actually easier not to have
to interact with them at this point. Even though on a rare
occasion the friend appears, the person I knew is gone.

Okay- errand time. Be good children!

Down the Shore

My New-Years-Resolution was to get to know Easton
better. That is where I went today. Grabbed some coffee,
stopped at Trader Joe's, then across the bridge to Easton.
Went to Lu Ev, and bought a small painting. Wandered
the streets, and got Izzy a couple of things, and some more
coffee. Then went back to the gallery to pick-up my new
picture. Guess who I ran into? (You will N-E-V-E-R guess!)
Vice President Dick Cheney! The Secret Service swarmed
the place. Then I noticed some G.O.P. Senators in hunting
gear. When asking in a shop if they were Hillary hunting,
I got a disapproving look. :)

Another friend has dropped off of my radar. A friend from
Church, and a vacation "bud" has essentially walked away from
their life. While I fully understand . . it's still unpleasant. I
have mentioned them before as a couple in the middle of
dissolving their relationship. Sad, but true. What are you
gonna do in this situation?? Nothing you can do. Watch, it
will end up being me who is the bad guy.

One of my "chores" while the parents are away is to be the
"church taxi" for one of their friends. Had I known she was
going to blow off the holy-holy tomorrow, I would have stayed
in Easton overnight. SCHEISSE!!! She waits until late in the
day to tell me, and then it's too late to salvage the day/night.

12 days until the make-it-or-break-it event. Sadly, I am
all but willing to bet that the "test" is failed, and the outcome
will be "Nagasaki." 'nuff said on that.

I wanna move to the shore, and start over.


Abend.

End of an era

Tonight was Icelandair's last flight from BWI. While it's
difficult to see a carrier leave, one that I have sort of an
emotional attachment to is crushing. My great friend Lis
won't be around to play with anymore. While I know the
plan is to stay close and in touch, realistically she'll get a
different job, and we'll drift apart. My dear, you're so very
important to me, you know I don't want that. When the
plane left, I was only able to watch from a distance. This
was a funeral, not a circus. It just went from bad to worse.

Yesterday another friend called and told me something
totally horrific. Without going into detail, it shocked, and
made my head spin. I felt so terrible. I wouldn't have
had the strength or backbone to to have survived such
an experience.

The problem friend in my life is drowning in whatever
his issues are. On occasion the person that was there
resurfaces. The person I came to respect and admire
sneaks out. Obviously he needs serious help. Getting
it for him will be the trick.

Without a doubt, the last 24 hours have been some of
the most trying times in about the last fifteen years.
My head hurts, my stomach hurts, I didn't sleep last
night. If things don't change soon, guess who's gonna
snap? They say God only give you as much as you
can take. Stop please. I'm grieving the important
people in my life that are being taken away from me.

In the mail tonight was a letter from "The Black
Republicans" addressed to me. Okay, who signed me
up for that???? I'd say it's John Withrow.

Gonna try to sleep. 'abend.

Ann's

Today was lunch from Ann's. I couldn't take it any longer.
The stores guy went with me, and was amazed at the ladies
taking complicated orders, and never writing a thing down.

Last night I went out with Lis. She made me misbehave,
hence the need for food from Ann's today. We did have a
good time. We always have a good time.

Upon arriving at work I received a Christmas gift. It was
extremely generous- more than I expected. I won't go
into it.

It's another super nice day out, so I'm gonna split pretty
soon. Laundry to do, vacuuming to do, dishwasher to
empty and put away, and floors to mop. I'm obviously
totally domesticated.

Be good!

Lighthouse of Rhodes

Tonight I'm making chicken and wild rice soup with cremini
mushrooms. The house smells great, and the soup is getting
nice and thick. It should be really good.

A little bit ago I was outside, and the folks across the street
have their house lit up like the lighthouse of Rhodes.
Christmas lights everywhere. I wonder if BG&E send them
a thank-you card. Regardless, it's super duper white trash.
I've been tempted to "do" the house for Christmas, but my
cheap sensibilities kick in, and I resist. Not to mention I don't
wanna climb up on the roof!

My brother emailed me to say that yesterday was the best
day he's had in about a year. That made me feel really good.
We did have a great time. Lord, do I love Talbot County.
The history, the water, and the "being away" factor all
make it a favorite place. One thing for 2008 is a self made
promise to make Easton a priority this year.

Shannon and I have been text messaging like crazy today.
We are so similar. No wonder we often clash. She and I
deal with the same trash each and every day. Expectations
that are heaped upon us are almost crushing. Many of
these expectations are self inflicted, I fear.

I'm watching some guy try to eat Durian on TV. He has the
same reaction as do I. That is one thing that I refuse to go
near.

Tante Annegret called me today unfortunately I was cutting
onions in the kitchen and missed the call. Scheisse. I will
need to call her.

Why can I type what I cannot say? That is the question for
the year . . . . . . .

Be good!!!!!!!!!!!!

Down the shore

Ken (the older brother) went to the Eastern shore with me
today. Oddly enough, it seems we were virtually the only
ones there (besides some French folks: Seb knows what I
mean!), which was even stranger. They spoke nice crisp,
clean French, just like you Seb!

Ana-way, we were the only ones in the Bridge Restaurant.
The Oxford-Bellevue Ferry is not running. Every store in
St. Michaels was 50% off. It was sort of surreal. Even the
merchants were saying that it was beyond odd that no one
was in the area. The one store offered me a much greater
discount for cash. Mr. Owner said it was "beyond bad" as
far as business right now. Odd, n'est pas??

Frank just called me. Odd how someone I worked with
(past tense) is so nice to me. Makes me feel good that
someone cares. Seems to me that we fail to see the forest
for the trees. Certainly I am guilty of that. Frequently
we only see what we want to, and not what is really there
for us. The decision still awaits it's fate. In my heart I
already know the outcome - yet refuse to acknowledge
the facts involved, or the associated truth. My ONLY
comfort is to know (after being repeatedly told and told
again and again and again) it's not me. In the last week
I've had two folks roll in and give me a bear hug to let
me know they care about me. Thanks folks, it means
sooooo much!

Okay getting late, so I need to scoot.

'abend!

Madame Returns

Mac, Susan, and Izzy have returned from Bozeman.
She has REALLY made me see what's what. I just
wrote something that is rather profound: "Most
people are not worth the time and effort we put into
being pissed off at them." Practice what you preach
Justus.

The decision I need to make had the first test passed
today. Yes, I was surprised. I loathe those who
either chose to or are unable to properly communicate.
This said individual simply doesn't know how.

Saturday (tomorrow) is a trip to the Eastern Shore.
My older brother and myself are gonna scoot over to
the shore as a mid-winter treat. We have no plan as
what to do, but we're going.

Okay- gonna have a long hot soak in the tub, then
read some of the book I'm working on. Sleep, and
a brisk walk in the park before blast off to Eastern
Maryland in the hond-er.

Be good!

Neu year

Christmas is a rapidly fading memory. Gott sie Dank!

Tom has been a bad boy, and has failed to post for quite
some time. When you read this, let me know about the
orientation for next week.

The "decision" I need to make is approaching. Allow me
to say that two things will make or break what is going on.
One will transpire tomorrow (1-4-08) and the other in
twenty days. Allow to say that it's wearing very thin,
and it's gotta be dealt with.

Yesterday I got my airport badge renewed. Rather than
point out the errors and out-of-date information, I was
a good child and kept my mouth shut. It was also the first
time someone remembered to ask about my security key
for the SIDA door. Uh Huh.

Last night was dinner in Annapolis. Prime Rib of Beef
was truly "prime" beef. We killed all 6lbs of it. There
was also a tasty mushroom bread pudding (think stuffing
here kids)- and oven roasted root vegetables. A nice
red wine (vintage 1982) was included in the festivities.
Dessert was a sour cream chocolate cake with a ganache
frosting. I'm still not hungry 12 hours later!

Tonight is trash night- recycle, trash, and whatever gets
out to the curb will be gone in the morning.

When will spring get here????