The last 30 days have been such a pleasure. Sure, the
days have been long and hard, but worth the effort of
it. (Is that proper English?)
Today that all stopped today, the "problem" returned.
First order of business was to start the process of making
things difficult for me. The test is tomorrow. I've played
my cards, and hopefully not too soon. Those who know
me, know my heart goes before my head. Tomorrow will
be the true test. Remain calm- keep control of what you
say and do.
It cuts me deeper than I can express the pain and hurt
that goes with what is imagined about me. I deserve better.
(FINALLY I'VE SAID IT) I don't deserve the treatment
received by this person. To say that they are under the
wrong impression, and totally incorrect.... 'nuff said.
My friends have been there for me today. Thank you
Lis, and Frank. Lis, what would I E-V-E-R do without
you? Honestly- what WOULD I do??
Two weeks from today, I'll be gone. Gott Sie Dank.
I'll be there this time two weeks from now. Sand,
suft, and lots-of-fun.
Okay- I need to scoot......
Be good!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Yeah,Yeah, Yeah.
So I'm not dead. Y'all know that already.
Where to start. How to end. How to finish what's been started.
First: Work has been a bear. It has forced me to become two
dimensional, as Craig Belmondo would say . . . A combination of
great pressures there, and my family, I've sort of shut down.
The last six or so weeks have been not just hard because of work,
but the troubled individual in my life has melted down, and is in
their own way missing in action. While it should no longer bother
me, and it's certainly not my fault, it still bothers me. I asked
for help for him- yet it repeatedly fell upon deaf ears. Those that
could have forced change refused. If there was some way to fix
it, I would. I can't. I know I can't. I can't get myself to accept
that someone so close to me has changed into someone I don't
know. On occasion the old person that was my friend appears.
Those occasions grow further and further apart.
Tom Brainsky has been a G-I-A-N-T help at work (thanks Tom)
he clearly can see what's going on and is trying to force some life
back into me. It's hard. It's my own fault. I've allowed work to
take over my life. It all goes back to what I think of myself, what
I think I'm worth. My fault, my problem, my issue to contend with.
In a month it's off to Murrells Inlet for two weeks away. With luck
it will help me clear some of the cob webs from my head, and aide
me in re-prioritizing my life. The drive to and from will be truly
beneficial. Being at the beach is a good thing.
This week had a unique event. Jeff, Lis, Tom, and I were all in the
office at the same time. It was as if the clock was turned back to
1999, and the olden days had returned. It was just funny seeing
all us together- and nothing else mattered. Lis keeps a certain
level of reality in my life- and refuses to allow me to drift too
far away from where I should be. She has her work cut out for
her. Don't know where I'd be without her though . . . . . .
There are heavy storms on their way in- a line of red appears
on the radar from New York State clear down the coast into
South Carolina. I should finish this before the storm hits: I
can hear the thunder on it's way in.
Where to start. How to end. How to finish what's been started.
First: Work has been a bear. It has forced me to become two
dimensional, as Craig Belmondo would say . . . A combination of
great pressures there, and my family, I've sort of shut down.
The last six or so weeks have been not just hard because of work,
but the troubled individual in my life has melted down, and is in
their own way missing in action. While it should no longer bother
me, and it's certainly not my fault, it still bothers me. I asked
for help for him- yet it repeatedly fell upon deaf ears. Those that
could have forced change refused. If there was some way to fix
it, I would. I can't. I know I can't. I can't get myself to accept
that someone so close to me has changed into someone I don't
know. On occasion the old person that was my friend appears.
Those occasions grow further and further apart.
Tom Brainsky has been a G-I-A-N-T help at work (thanks Tom)
he clearly can see what's going on and is trying to force some life
back into me. It's hard. It's my own fault. I've allowed work to
take over my life. It all goes back to what I think of myself, what
I think I'm worth. My fault, my problem, my issue to contend with.
In a month it's off to Murrells Inlet for two weeks away. With luck
it will help me clear some of the cob webs from my head, and aide
me in re-prioritizing my life. The drive to and from will be truly
beneficial. Being at the beach is a good thing.
This week had a unique event. Jeff, Lis, Tom, and I were all in the
office at the same time. It was as if the clock was turned back to
1999, and the olden days had returned. It was just funny seeing
all us together- and nothing else mattered. Lis keeps a certain
level of reality in my life- and refuses to allow me to drift too
far away from where I should be. She has her work cut out for
her. Don't know where I'd be without her though . . . . . .
There are heavy storms on their way in- a line of red appears
on the radar from New York State clear down the coast into
South Carolina. I should finish this before the storm hits: I
can hear the thunder on it's way in.
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